Book 2 continues.
General comments
It would be brilliant if each colony could have its foundation year listed in its table.
Perhaps my biggest disappointment in this new edition is the removal of descriptions for many colonies that had descriptions in the previous edition. Some of the colony descriptions also seem shorter than what we had before. If this due to a lack of space, I would suggest taking some of the maps and rotating + resizing them so that they take only half a page. While lovely looking, maps for places like Kingsland, Hochbaden, Sans Souci, Dukou and Heifang have very few interesting details, so we wouldn't really lose anything if those maps were smaller and only took half a page, and it would give you a couple of extra pages for colony descriptions, and maybe also for extra maps if you happened to make coloured maps for those colonies that currently miss a map, but which had a map in the earlier edition.
Page 55
"The Manchurian Arm begins at Delta Pavonis" -> Does it? Or would it rather start at DM-26 12026 which you call the gateway to the arm on page 27.
"Omicron2 Eridani" -> should it be "Omicron 2 Eridani" (space missing?) (twice on this page and multiple times on other pages)
Canadian Finger -> By the way, is there a reason why none of the Canadian finger systems have ever been named? The numbers can get confusing.
Page 56
"Han Shan (Cold Mountain)" -> Since the most common name used everywhere else in the book for this planet is Cold Mountain, I would suggest writing this "Cold Mountain (Han Shan)" as that would make it easier to find.
Page 57
"Han Shan (Cold Mountain)" -> Same here as in the previous comment: either always prefer "Han Shan" (including in the colony list on page 24), or switch this to "Cold Mountain (Han Shan)"
"planet-wide" -> "planetwide"?
Daikoku's survival DM doesn't match with the ones given on pages 23 and 24.
"highly-specialised" -> "highly specialised"
"Heidelshiemat" -> "Heidelsheimat"
Why no descriptions of Daikoku, the Arabian colony, Chyuantii and Lihngtou? We had descriptions for all of them in the previous edition.
Heidelsheimat's survival DM-1 doesn't match with what it says for its colonies on page 24.
Page 61
"while other" -> "while others"?
"formally-established" -> "formally established"
Page 62
"Yinging" -> "Yingjing"?
Page 63
Inconsistency: Chengu's nationalities are given as country names (e.g. "Manchuria") instead of nationalities like everywhere else (e.g. "Manchurian").
Again, a missing description for both the planet and the colony of Kanata. Very sad, considering we had half a page in the previous edition.
And exactly the same with Kwantung's colonies.
Page 67
Dukou, Xixiang, Montana the world and Montana the colony are all missing descriptions which existed in the previous edition. So sad.
"High Gravity, intense cold," -> Is Dukou's hazard list missing something, or should you replace the comma with a full stop?
Montana's survival DM matches with the one listed for Mexico on page 24, but not with the one listed for Argentina on page 23.
I don't remember if I already mentioned, but DM-3 1123 is spelled "DM+3 1123" (plus instead of minus) on page 25.
Sechura's Survival DM in the colony list on page 24 doesn't match the survival number given here for Austin's World.
"This has the planet passing from pointing one pole at the sun for several days at a time, as it swings around to point the other pole at the sun." -> It might be just me, but I can't understand what this sentence describes.
"heavily-built" -> "heavily built"?
"in the islands" -> "on the islands"?
Page 69
"Couteau" -> "Cousteau"
"light-element" -> "light element"?
"which exist" -> "which exists"?
"hydrogen-powered" -> "hydrogen powered"?
Paulos' survival DM doesn't match with the one given on page 23.
This time we not only don't get a description of the colony, or a description of the world, but there isn't even any mention of the Brazilian colony! Wow. Very sad indeed.
"Tidally-locked, Constant storms" -> "Tidally locked, constant storms" (remove hyphen, switch to lowercase c)
"Much of the Eriksson’s water" -> "Much of Eriksson’s water"?
"tidally-locked" -> "tidally locked"
"orbits quite closely in." -> "orbits quite close to it."?
"There are resources there" -> "The planet has resources"
"tidally-locked" -> "tidally locked"
Page 70
"Heifang" -> "Haifeng" (twice)
Page 71
"well-financed" -> "well financed"
"Most governments enforce limits on copyrights and patents, however," -> "However, most governments enforce limits on copyrights and patents,"
Page 72
"Even then, they continued to make the case for genetic engineering of colonists, despite the unpopularity of that position on the Core worlds." -> wrong tense?
Page 74
"auto-building houses" -> "self-building houses"?
Page 76
"wrong-doing" -> "wrongdoing"?
"loosely-affiliated" -> "loosely affiliated"
Page 77
"To do that, they felt, humanity would need to change, to grow tougher, smarter and faster." -> let's clean the commas here a little: "To do that, they felt humanity would need to change and grow tougher, smarter and faster."
"experiemnt" -> "experiment" (or preferably "experimental disease", as that would make the paragraph read better)
Maybe specify somewhere at the beginning of this description when the incident at Tristan da Cunha happened. The next paragraph suddenly mentions that it was 200 years ago. Is it realistic that the place is STILL under quarantine and no information about it has leaked out during that time? And were retroviruses even a thing yet around 2100? According to Book 1 Page 28, DNAM tech was created only around 2150?
Page 78
It seems like the illustration is meant to illustrate a Children of Mao execution, but the text says that the cutting is done with "a wire knife", which neither floating-head person here seems to be holding? Not a big issue, but consider changing the text to "with a wire knife, or worse", or something similar.
Page 79
Would Vanuatu have survived the kind of sea level rise that has sunk Florida?
"space-travel" -> "space travel"
"Vanautu" -> "Vanuatu"
"largely-independent" -> "largely independent"
"United Kingdom" (several times) -> I think this section is the only place in this book (pages 79 and 81) where you use the term "United Kingdom". The term also appears in Book 1 on page 65. Everywhere else in these two books it is always "Britain", including in the map. I would considering changing it to Britain here as well. However, Book 3 only mentions "Britain" once and prefers "United Kingdom" on pages 64, 74, 78, 80 and 88. Maybe stick with one term throughout the books, or then explain what the difference between the two terms is in 2300?
Going back to Page 79 of Book 2, the location of the British Pathfinder headquarters is given as "Britain, United Kingdom", which raises the question what exactly is the relationship between these two terms in 2300AD and if UK is indeed the larger political entity, why are the colonies listed as being under Britain, not the UK, and why does the map prefer Britain and not UK? On page 81, the HQ for the Royal Aerospace Force does not follow the same style -- Britain is not mentioned at all.
"since creating the colony on Joi" -> I would suggest adding a year here to guide the reader.
"newly-independent" -> "newly independent"
A note on the multi-line titles in this section, such as the one for "Deuxième Bureau de l’État-Major Général": reduce line spacing (and increase bottom margin if possible on all titles). Now the text is a bit weird looking, with there being lots of spacing between the two lines of the title, and practically none between the title and the text below.
"Intelligence-gathering" -> "Intelligence gathering"
"law-enforcement" -> "law enforcement"? (twice)
Page 80
"Intelligence-gathering" -> "Intelligence gathering"
"intelligence-gathering" -> "intelligence gathering"
"law-enforcement" -> "law enforcement"?
"Earth Géosynchrones Orbit" -> "Earth Geosynchronous Orbit"?
"search any, and all, vessels" -> "search any and all vessels"?
"Le Contrôle de Quarantaine Orbitale" -> The title of the section doesn't use the circumflexed "ô". I would say either use it in both or in neither. There have been also some other French names and titles where I have been wondering whether they should have used acutes or graves, but I'm not sure.
"ship-building" -> "shipbuilding"?
The box in the bottom right is information related to character creation. Would it be possible to refer to it in Book 1, where character creation is discussed?
"Foreign Legion characters never have to check for morale." -> What is this "check for morale"? Neither Traveller rules nor the 2300AD character creation seem to refer to "morale"?
Page 81
"Wellington-class" -> remove italics and remove hyphen?
"in 2268" -> Should this be 2267, as the Canadian Confederation was proclaimed in 1867 and the Canadian Centennial was celebrated in 1967?
"Eta Bootes" -> "Eta Bootis"
"free-market" -> "free market"?
"Tanstaaff" -> "Tanstaafl"
Page 82
"and facilities The Rangers" -> "and facilities. The Rangers" (a missing comma)
"almost-mythical" -> "almost mythical"
Page 82
Make the table headers on this page consistent. Now you have "Enlisted Ranks" for the US Space Force, but just "Enlisted" for the others. And for the third columns, you have "Officer Ranks", "Officer" and "Officers", depending on the nation.
Also, this now misses German ranks, which the previous book had.
Also, in what order are these? Not in an alphabetical order, but neither in size order, as French Army should surely be the first one listed then? Might be a good idea to list it first anyway, as France is after all the leader in this world.
Page 84
The "Chronology of Contact" table here differs majorly from the "Alien Contact Time Line" on page 5 of this book. Please fix things like Sung contact, Slaver War and other dates, and then go through the text in the books to make sure that dates are accurate everywhere and consistent with these tables.
"left-overs" -> "leftovers"
"on Kormoran single continent" -> "on Kormoran's single continent"
Page 85
See my earlier notes on the map.
Page 87
"beautifully-pointed" -> "beautifully pointed" or "beautiful pointed"
"genetically-manipulated" -> "genetically manipulated"
"DM+27 28217" and "DM+36 2219" -> it would make reading easier if you noted that these are at least today called Bon Chance and Sans Souci, respectively.
"for the boat approach closer" -> "for the boat to approach closer"?
Page 88
"commonly-encountered" -> "commonly encountered"
"approximately 12%" -> How large was this diplomatic party if it allows us to "approximate" a number to 12? Apparently at least a hundred individuals? Would "10%" make more sense here?
"wildly-variable" -> "wildly variable"
"tightly-integrated" -> "tightly integrated"
"Pentapods.." -> "Pentapods." (remove extra full stop)
Page 89
"Progress continued until" -> "Peaceful progress with the Sung continued until". Having just read the Physical Description, a reader has already forgotten what we were talking about earlier. Not sure why the Physical Description even breaks this narrative? Maybe just move it after The Slaver War?
"previously-assumed" -> "previously assumed"
"more 'advanced' societies" -> Why quotes here? You don't use quotes later in this sentence for the same word.
Page 90
The map gives no names for any of the cities and continents in the east.
Page 91
"was born" -> "followed"?
Page 92
"hunter/trappers" -> "hunter-trappers"
Page 93
"After time, although, they" -> "After time, however, they" (or "After a while, however, they")
Kafeer trooper stats: does the trooper lose the low state Melee (Unarmed) 2 skill when it switches to a high state?
In the table at the bottom of the page, Horse Pistol has the wrong weight (1600 kg?).
Also the Thud Gun's weight doesn't match between the two tables on the page.
Page 95
"a long winter hibernations" -> "a long winter hibernation"
"branch/arms" -> "branches/arms"
Page 96
"well-protected" -> "well protected"?
"over-all" -> "overall"
"smaller-calibre" -> "smaller calibre"
Page 98
"powerfully-built" -> "powerfully built"
"female night-stalkers" -> "female night stalkers" (you didn't use a hyphen earlier or in the title)
"night-stalker’s" -> "night stalker’s"
"night-stalker" -> "night stalker"
Page 99
"well-protected" -> "well protected"
Page 100
"The smallest creature considered to be gigantic must mass over 100,000kg" -> "A creature considered to be gigantic has a mass of over 100,000 kg" or "To be considered gigantic, a creature must have a mass of over 100,000 kg"
"Gigantic trait" -> "gigantic trait" (or then capitalise also elsewhere)
"Minimum Damage" -> "minimum damage" (or then capitalise also elsewhere)