The Supreme Master Disciplines (a parody)


Hey, while googling for Lone Wolf, I found this funny parody and I thought I'd share it. 8) I have to admit that the names of the ranks has always sounded a little forced at times, as this illustrates.
Disclaimer : I don't want to offend anybody, it's just for laugh as we wait for our copies of the RPG.
You can found the original page at

The Supreme Master Disciplines
(a parody)


Upon becoming the first Kai Supreme Master, Lone Wolf believed his quest for physical and spiritual perfection to be finished. However, just as had happened when he ascended to Grand Mastership, he discovered that his training was still incomplete. Sure, Lone Wolf may have become the most powerful mortal in all of Aon, but why stop there?

Through his continued seclusion in the Vault of the Sun, Lone Wolf's first gift from the God Kai was the skill of Kai Weaponcraft, which he used to bestow the new crop of Grand Masters with it's own set of super-cool weapons. But the Supreme Master was soon to begin his study of new Disciplines, through whose mastery he would ultimately attain the rank of...

Well, let's face it; there is apparently no limit to Lone Wolf's potential; he can only strive toward total absurdity. And he does so through his training in the Super Deluxe Grand Magnakai Disciplines (often referred to simply as the Supreme Master Disciplines).


Supreme Weaponmastery
As it pertains to the use of conventional weapons, this Discipline is actually rather useless, as a Supreme Master can kill any sentient being with his bare hands. Supreme Weaponmastery allows its user to wield everyday objects with the same skill and deadliness as a sword or dagger. Lone Wolf can enter any battle with confidence, wielding only a spoon, a rocking chair, or the like. However, not even a Supreme Master can harness the mysteries of the common razor blade; shaving is just as difficult for Lone Wolf as it is for the next guy.

When entering combat, a Supreme Master armed with any object may add 20 points to his COMBAT SKILL. If unarmed, he may only add 19.

Supreme Huntmastery
Again, this Discipline is largely useless, as Supreme Masters no longer require sustanance. But it's mastery still greatly heightens Lone Wolf's senses, allowing him to see, hear, and smell through any solid barrier.

The advanced form of Assimilance (and the really advanced form of Invisibility, and the really really advanced form of Camouflage) gives a Supreme Master the ability to remove himself from reality at will. Improvement in this Discipline allows one to remove himself completely from history, leaving behind a universe in which he never existed. This is especially conducive to practical jokes.

Animal Dominance
A Supreme Master with this Discipline can exert his will upon any living creature, and can expect absolute obediance, to a point. Not even a Supreme Master can prevent even the most loyal of dogs from dragging its butt across the carpet.

The ultimate form of Sixth Sense, Intuition permits a Supreme Master to psychically "tune in" to any location, and any time, in his present plane of existence, offering him a virtual front-row seat at all of the comings and goings in the universe. Upon mastery of this Discipline, a Supreme Master acquires an understaning of the opposite sex.

Supreme Pathsmanship
A Supreme Master who has diligently practiced this Discipline realizes that sometimes, you simply have to stop and ask for directions. This in no way diminishes his manhood, and, in the long run, makes him look like less of an idiot on those long pilgrimages. (Naturally, female Supreme Masters have no need of this ability.)

The ultimate in psychic attacks, Magnakai-Surge enables its wielder to vaporize an opponent with a single nasty thought. This discipline illistrates the value of self-esteem, and why it is instilled so early in Kai training; even the slightest negative thought about oneself could be suicidal.

This Discipline is a favorite among Supreme Masters, as it enables its user to "tune out" of any boring, or otherwise useless, conversation. It is especially useful at diplomatic functions, and when arguing with a significant other (on those rare occasions when a Supreme Master actually has a love life). Successful mastery of Magnakai-Screen and Intuition enable a Supreme Master to withstand any relationship.

The ultimate form of Healing, Purification provides a Supreme Master with rapid recovery from any injuries, whether sustained in combat or by dumb luck. As such, scholars of Kai wisdom need not argue about its applicability. Only paper cuts are immune to this healing process. Purification can also be used to cure any disease, remove any affliction, or neutralize any toxin, within himself or another. Of course, not even Purification can cure the common cold, but, having learned Herbmastery, one already has a great recipe for chicken soup.

Supreme Nexus
The Discipline of Supreme Nexus grants to its user virtual invulnerability to the elements. A Supreme Master who uses this Discipline can freely run naked through Kalte, or go for a dip inside an active volcano, without fear of ill effects. Of course, not even a Supreme Master can be protected from the cold marble floors of the Kai Monastery.


Levels of Supreme Mastery
We all know that the concept of rank became pretty much useless after a Kai lord reached the rank of Grand Master (at least initially). Perhaps Lone Wolf just wanted something cool to put on his stationery. So, of course, he has adopted ranks for mastery of the Super Deluxe Grand Magnakai Disciplines.

Disciplines              Rank
    1               Kai Supreme Master
    2               Kai Supreme Master Senior
    3               Kai Supreme Master Superior
    4               Kai Supreme Defender
    5               Any of this sound familiar?
    6               Sun King
    7               Kai Novice (sort of a second childhood, I guess)
    8               All right!  We get the point!
    9               Kai Supreme Egotist
   10               You know what?  Screw Kai!  I'm in charge now!
You know... :lol:
that site is one that I always meant to check out, but I never did...

Thanks for posting it here and showing me what I'd been missing
Yes, and you can replace :
"(on those rare occasions when a Supreme Master actually has a love life)" with :
"(on those rare occasions when a Typical Gamer actually has a love life)".
:lol: :cry: :wink: :shock: :twisted:
gamer? what is this gamer? i am a kai lord, honest.
good parody, have to show that to my initiates :p
Actually didnt find your post funny, I know you werent meaning to offend which Im not Im just curious as to why you want to tear apart a character which for all intensive purposes has obtained Demi Goddom! so if he feels he wants to remove himself from history so be it I thought a bit exsesive but the ant never tries to understand the elephant all he needs to understand is its foot.Lone wolf is like a god.
respect to him, some of the stuff he has might have uses our mortal minds cant comprehend.
It's a parody. A joke. Satire. Obviously the writer (a guy called Rob Hastings) is a fan of Lone Wolf, since the list shows a good deal of knowledge about the source material. I found them funny when I first read them(must be about 4-5 years ago now) and I still chuckle at them now.

Yes I thought it very funny on the second read.Apollogies for jumping right in there, he clearly does like Lonewolf