The Most Stupid Movie Synopsis EVER

[ottarrus]

For all you Traveller Stewards out there:

When I got out of the military, I spent the rest of my career in the restaurant /bar industry.
So tonight I'm surfing and I run across this gem of a synopsis for a TV movie...

"When a hotel manager is accused of murdering the son of the owner, she must use her hospitality skills to prove her innocence."

Now let that sink in. The night clerk at the Motel 6 or the dippy waitress at Waffle Hut at 3am [and both cases her name tag reads a name with 'i' at the end of it... Terr-eye, Cand-eye, etc.] is gonna use her 'hospitality skills' to solve a murder... when they can't even get your room number or breakfast order right on the first try....

 

[Condottiere]

Self interest, rather than jobsworth.

 

[boggo2300]

She's going to lose the murderers reservation?

Inconveniece the killer into a confession!

 

[Limpin Legin]

Knowing too much can be a curse.

When ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise.

Know which side your bread is buttered.

 

[Condottiere]

Important, if you want to get a tip for room service.

 

[ottarrus]

Hey, maybe it's just me. Maybe my 'hospitality skills' are not that hospitable.
I gotta tell ya, I think video of the pitch meeting for this waste of time was probably more entertaining than the movie itself.

 

[MongooseBella]

If you guys think this is bad check out Velocipastor: 'After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. Although he is horrified by the new power, a sex worker convinces him to use it to fight crime.'

or House Shark: 'A dangerous but largely unknown shark attacks Frank's family home. When he tries to kill the beast, he reaches out to the world's only home-shark expert and former estate agent, Zachary.'

You're welcome

 

[Condottiere]

Dinner is coming

 

[MonsterX]

Got my own take on Velocipastor: Young Father Doug preaches to a seemingly empty church, yet does so with conviction, unaware that his parents waiting outside will soon be consumed in a terrible, yet inexplicable fire. Flinching away from showing the car fire, possibly for budget reasons, Jesse Gouldsbury's’ “Velocipastor”, however, does not flinch away from committing the cardinal sin of low budget horror: i.e. “showing the puppet.” Images like that have no place in the modern cinema, which is committed to facile psychology and realistic behavior. In many ways, “Velocipastor” has more in common with the silent film than with the modern films that followed it–including Gouldsbury’s own. Perhaps that is why it is out of fashion at the moment. Considered by many as one of the masterpieces of cinema, it is now a little embarrassing to some viewers, with its stark imagery and its uncompromising subject, which is the nature of faith challenged by adversity, hunger and passion.

 

[MongooseBella]

Got my own take on Velocipastor: Young Father Brendan preaches to a seemingly empty church, yet does so with conviction, unaware that his parents waiting outside will soon be consumed in a terrible, yet inexplicable fire. Flinching away from showing the car fire, possibly for budget reasons, Doug Jones’ “Velocipastor”, however, does not flinch away from committing the cardinal sin of low budget horror: i.e. “showing the puppet.” Images like that have no place in the modern cinema, which is committed to facile psychology and realistic behavior. In many ways, “Velocipastor” has more in common with the silent film than with the modern films that followed it–including Jones’ own. Perhaps that is why it is out of fashion at the moment. Considered by many as one of the masterpieces of cinema, it is now a little embarrassing to some viewers, with its stark imagery and its uncompromising subject, which is the nature of faith challenged by adversity, hunger and passion.

It is genuinely one of my favourite movies. VFX: Car on Fire changed how I view cinema

 

[Condottiere]

The Lost Faith: Velocipastor

More raptors are created, but they now conspire together.

 

[MonsterX]

It is genuinely one of my favourite movies. VFX: Car on Fire changed how I view cinema

I also enjoyed it. There is a lot of competition for attention in the velociraptor-related film space, but Velocipastor stands out. For some reason, Velocipastor is free to watch on Youtube - so those who some how let the theatrical release slip them by can head over there right now! Plug that hole in your cultural education! Also a Chinese movie called Velociraptor appears if you search for Velocipastor. Velociraptor also looks quite promising, but I didn't watch enough to determine if the movie was made with serious intent, and simply fell down due to an implausible storyline, poor acting, poor writing, poor directing, poor special effects, poor dubbing, and other minor failings, or if it was just someone taking the piss.

More on Velocipastor: A bold innovation in cinematic storytelling, the replacement of a costly special effect by "VFX Car on Fire" text invites the viewer to step outside the temporary suspension of disbelief, and see the film as the auteur sees it: a constructed reality designed to challenge the viewer's beliefs about love, death, and faith, and indeed also about velociraptors. In opening the subtext into metatext, we are asked to consider whether such events in our own lives are not also narrative elements in a divine story. (My undergrad distribution requirement in History of Cinema was not wasted. If the analytical method works for The Seventh Seal, Vivre sa Vie, or Citizen Kane, should it not apply equal to modern classics such as Velocipastor?.)

 

[MongooseBella]

If the analytical method works for The Seventh Seal, Vivre sa Vie, or Citizen Kane, should it not apply equal to modern classics such as Velocipastor?.)

I have a soft spot for watching 'bad' or 'panned' films, I think sometimes you can find something wholly endearing about them. They're both on my 5 star list on Letterboxd which, as a site, typically rates things lower than others.


Even then I think the comments speak to something important: the people didn't care how stupid the plot was ang genuinely just wanted to make a fun movie. Not to wax lyrical about Velocipastor but I think it's one of the few movies made in recent years that has made me want to sit down and watch rather than doing it because I've nothing else to do. Same with Sinners; Abby and I went to the cinema to watch it and it made me genuinely glad I'd seen it in theatrical release rather than waiting for it on a streaming site.

 

[MonsterX]

Not to wax lyrical about Velocipastor but I think it's one of the few movies made in recent years that has made me want to sit down and watch rather than doing it because I've nothing else to do. Same with Sinners; Abby and I went to the cinema to watch it and it made me genuinely glad I'd seen it in theatrical release rather than waiting for it on a streaming site.

Exactly. It is sort of like MST3K, except the director is in on the joke, knows he is making a terrible movie and just has fun with it. There seems to be a kickstarter for Velocipastor 2. "Doug and Carol travel to Milan, where they have to solve a series of murders committed by a masked agressor (sic) at an Italian Fertility Festival." hmm Tagline: "Let us Prey"

 

[Condottiere]

P(r)agon.

 

[ottarrus]

I have a soft spot for watching 'bad' or 'panned' films, I think sometimes you can find something wholly endearing about them. They're both on my 5 star list on Letterboxd which, as a site, typically rates things lower than others.
View attachment 4879

Even then I think the comments speak to something important: the people didn't care how stupid the plot was ang genuinely just wanted to make a fun movie. Not to wax lyrical about Velocipastor but I think it's one of the few movies made in recent years that has made me want to sit down and watch rather than doing it because I've nothing else to do. Same with Sinners; Abby and I went to the cinema to watch it and it made me genuinely glad I'd seen it in theatrical release rather than waiting for it on a streaming site.

Well, I have two for you then...
- Six String Samurai [1998]. A post-apocalypse Elvis impersonator... No, FO New Vegas DIDN'T come up with that one first
- Cocaine Bear [2023].

 

[Condottiere]

 

[CordwainerFish]

Rubber (2010): A discarded tire achieves sentience and telekinetic powers, and roams the desert killing people.

I am not making this up.

 

[Condottiere]

The Untamed
Original title: La región salvaje
2016
Not Rated
1h 38m

A couple in a troubled marriage locate a meteorite, initiating an encounter with a mysterious creature. Their lives are turned upside down by the discovery of the creature, which is a source of both pleasure and destruction.


Apparently, space tentacles.

In Mexico.

It seems, up our alley.

 

[MonsterX]