The first part is so rail roaded it hurt my eyes, but in practice I think the players will probably not feel it, at least if they don't make silly choices which would require the GM pulling them back on track. Once the players make contact with the second spy in Imperium space things get better, but the choices become a little pointless (see further down my comment on the investigations).
Having thought about it all, I have more issues in the first part with :
* How to get the players at the starting place in the first place? (I may start the campaign by making them have to go pick up their starship in the Zhodani system, like in type S adventure, or create a steping stone system in the Vargr space so they come by there)
* How to convince the players (and myself) that the search warrant for them has been transfered by the Zhodani to the Imperium, while in a tense poticial situation... And that is not taking into account possible strings the players could pull because of their careers (if nobles, navy or agents, etc). And unfortunately it is critical for theim to stay in the campaign that they feel hunted even in Imprium space.
* How to legally justify trading a starship (which they probably do not own at 100%) with another one, and still be doing it under the table... (this may be critical in practice)
And the more worrying elements which I am not satisfied with concern the other parts, and I need to find solutions for my campaign:
* the second part where they go to the independant planets at the bottom of the subsector is where most if the investigation happens, so I find it critical, but the results of the investigations are mostly negative, and the important results (the Zhodani connection) are sometimes pulled out of a hat. Very anticlimatic, just no good, I need to rework that whole thing. I am really dissapointed that the heart of the whole campaign (as I see it) is in fact a serie of investigations that are essentially pointless.
* Appart from a minor encounter at the beggining, the psionic abilities of the Zhodani (not the proles admitedly) are essentially *forgotten*, just like the fact that they are a major interstellar power, on par with the Imperium. Even with the help of the Imperium infiltrating their installations is bound the be near impossible. Also in a hot spot like Jewel subsector they will not be patroling their space with small scout ships and 200 tons SDBs; Destroyers are bound to be the norm (of course a cheap defense system would be to concentrate the fleet somewhere and only use SDBs in the other systems and hope small scouts can pass the information in case of surprise attacks, but the Zhodani can't afford to do it on the cheap on their imperial border!). That all needs to be reworked on, but the problem is as it is the adventure is allready hard enough (thankfully I have prison planet in case anything goes wrong)... A psionic amongst teh players would help, but I don't intend to let that happen too quickly.