Fun with Fake Orders

saundby

Banded Mongoose
Just for the heck of it, I made up some fake orders to give the party before I give them the real ones:

Detached Scout Mission 13-1445975-C

Issued 021-1105

Background:
The Third Imperium's expansion and growth in the Spinward Marches sector is impeded by a variety of indigenous species that are not sufficiently understood. To alleviate this problem, the model SA-2 Scout Ship Aurora is hereby assigned to Senior Scout Shanara and crew on detached duty with the following mission:

Mission Detail:
In a period of less than 20 years, visit all 440 systems in the Spinward Marches. Visit the planets in each system's habitable zone, identify those indigenous species which are capable of preying on Imperial citizens. Collect the following data on each species:

1. Length, diameter, and tensile strength of fangs, teeth, claws, and comparable appurtenances.
2. Saliva viscosity.
3. Opening angle and aperture dimensions (or equivalent) of creature's mouth-parts.
4. Methods used to track and identify prey.
5. Sensory abilities, including special sensory abilities.
6. Bodily weights and dimensions.
7. Special habits involved with predation on Imperial citizenry, such as planting larvae, attack at night, stalking lone subjects, etc.
8. Reach of arms, muzzle, claws, tentacles, or pseudopods from main body mass.
9. Any special means of locomotion.
10. Effects of standard weapons on creatures, making special note of those weapons which are either wholly ineffective or which convey an unexpected benefit to the creature.
11. The number, or fraction of, standard Imperial citizens the creature or a pack of such creatures acting as one is capable of ingesting in a standard day.
12. The number of standard Imperial citizens the creature is capable of killing in one standard day, week, month, and year.
13. Reproduction rates, including any effects caused by ingestion of Imperial citizens.
14. Growth rates, including any effects caused by ingestion of Imperial citizens.
15. Median, mean, and distribution of creature's Universal Profile attributes--Strength, Dexterity, etc. Use standardized tests wherever possible. Three sets of each ability test, with instructions, have been included in the scout ship's cargo. Note that all test sets must be checked back in to Stores at mission completion. A charge will be assessed for missing or damaged components.
16. Calorimeter testing on scats to determine the creature's energy conversion efficiency.
17. Means of identification if the predatory species can be mistaken for a non-predatory species, or for identification of predatory phases in the lifecycle, or predatory members of a species with specialized subtypes.
18. Results of tests on various means of avoiding attack, such as waving arms, clapping hands, hollering, standing still, striking creature's nose, standing one's ground, etc.
19. Special attack characteristics of creatures, such as acidic venom, noxious breath or other exhalations, body parts employed as missile weapons, mental attacks or illusions, chameleon abilities, use of radiation or radiant energy in attacks, etc.
20. Modus operandi of predation methods, including negative effects of normal responses to these attacks by Imperial citizens such as tracking creatures to their lair, breaking from a group to seek missing compatriots, sequestering oneself into confined areas, mass or individual panic and hysteria, etc.


Benefits and Summary:
Your report will be of the highest value to the Colonial Office. Though an Imperial Decree has been issued requiring that this report be completed every 20 years along with the planetary survey, to date no complete report has been made in spite of multiple attempts. To assist your team in its efforts, you will be eligible for free fuel at all Scout and Navy bases and an 8%^h^h 10% discount on vehicle service costs at those bases upon completion of each subsector's report.

Further, the sum of 50,000Cr will be paid upon the completion of each system's report plus an indemnification of 100Cr to any registered crew members suffering severe injury in the course of meeting mission objectives detailed above. Payments will be made via return X-Boat courier once a complete system report has been received, and approved by a scientific review panel, including any data requested by the panel supplementary to the report as submitted.

Should any crew member be rendered unable to continue their duty as a result of obtaining mission data, a sum of 10,000Cr will be advanced to the ship's commander, either active or acting, to use in the course of recruiting a replacement. Possessions of deceased crew members may be placed in bond at any scout base pending retrieval by surviving kin.

Good luck. The best wishes and confidence of the Imperial Scout Service go with you.

In service to his Imperial Majesty,

Senior Scout Administrator Galadden
 
This was great. I would love to have seen their faces. Bet they had an odd look on them. :lol:

My personal favorite was: 2. Saliva viscosity. I used to measure ink viscosity and the idea of trying to get a tiger like creature's saliva for the test was a mental image that made me laugh hard.

Well Done.

Daniel
 
Yeah that was pretty good... I hadn't read the thread before... I was drinking when I read "Saliva viscosity". I'm going to have to take this, get it done up all formal, and put it out on the table for the players to read before we get started.

Great idea.
 
Rikki Tikki Traveller said:
Don't tell them about it, just have it loose on the table...
Oh now that is even more comical. Leave it on the table while you go to get something from the store. Give them time to read and worry. :lol:

Daniel
 
-Daniel- said:
Rikki Tikki Traveller said:
Don't tell them about it, just have it loose on the table...
Oh now that is even more comical. Leave it on the table while you go to get something from the store. Give them time to read and worry. :lol:

Daniel
I am going to do exactly that. Get to the table early, set my stuff up, put out just the Mission Briefings... and when the first person gets there excuse myself for a moment.


mmmmm such evil goodness.
 
Thanks!

I watched the Riddick movies Pitch Black and Chronicles with my players during our campaign break. It was my first time seeing them. The idea occurred to me as we watched. "Dang, _another_ planet with an abandoned type S and some scattered instruments. I wonder what happened here?"

They get their orders this weekend (I felt pretty safe posting here ahead of time.) I'll report on reactions,
 
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