Conan and the Battle of 36th Street.


I love this game.

Well my gaming group and I completed our first Conan session. It lasted a total of 15 minutes, yea just 15 minutes. Let me explain.

Four players and 1 gamemaster (me) is the usual gaming group. Two of the players were excited and two were very concerened. The two players I have an issue with are rulenazis not only that but they are high fantasy jerks. I have had issues with them for a while. So these two jewels refused to play conan unless one could play a dwarf and the other an elf. Well that ticked me off so I agreed.

Player one, the dwarf lover, wanted to be a Cimmerian dwarf named rockfoot. Well I made his character a dwarf alright he was a Cimmerian midget.

Player two, the elf boy, wanted a Cimmerian elf named Legolas or some crap like that. Well I made him a Cimmerian with female features that happened to be of an alternate sexual persuasion. Well I didn't say anthing when the adventure started.

About 5 min into the game player one noticed his dex was very low, about that time player two questioned why everyone called him "legs". When they confronted me I told them there are no sissy races in Conan its a man game. I then explained that one was a midget and the other was a g*y dude. Well that started it all.

Player one threw a piece of pizza at me and hit my chest. player two got up and bumped the table on purpose spilling all the drinks and putting all dice and paper on the floor. Player one caught a glass of coke to the face for yours truly. Player two started to cry when player one freaked because I want Conan style and started laughing and gave him a elbow. The other two players present also started laughing. Player one and player two both left. We cleaned up and plan on playing this weekend minus two players. Well I want to thank Mongoose for delivering me from 500 yearold dwarves and elvin sissies.

I will post my next harrowing adventure into the world of Hyboria.

fair enough, dwarves are dwarfs, ofcourse, and I suppose that elves are a kind of faeries :p

I'm suprised your players took it so well
Two of them are still with me, but the other two dwarf and elf boy are gone. They sent me an email and told me I was mean and they hated me. I sent them a email and told them "welcome to high living" with a few other words I won't repeat.
I am sick of these "dragon mage", "halfling-wizard" pukes. I have been wating for this for a long time. I got a table at the local game shop week after next. I am gonna scare the hell out of those kids. I have been gamemastering since 1985, and its been a long time comming.

P.S. To hell with Paladins.
Sweetness said:
I am sick of these "dragon mage", "halfling-wizard" pukes. I have been wating for this for a long time. I got a table at the local game shop week after next. I am gonna scare the hell out of those kids. I have been gamemastering since 1985, and its been a long time comming.

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?"
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I hate to say it but sometimes you gotta go Jihad on those punks. Regardless I sent my two missing players another email asking them if they would like to play a gnome, and a half-orc named Snotty. I got the universal two-word response for no :) :D
Sweetness said:
I got the universal two-word response for no :) :D

"no thanks"? Well, at least they're polite.

Couldn't you do this for Orlando Bloom in his next movie? "Yeah, you get to play en elf again, promise."
I thought about telling them I was sorry and suck up real good. Get them back over and make them play that dwarf and elf again. Same characters just change the name. That might be too much, but it would be fun.
have had problems like that before with players who will only do one type and that is it what ever the system and so I just use my vast experiance as a CoC ref and they soon get the point as they learn that by never changing they leave them seleves open to all sorts of mayhem :wink:
I'm with the hardliners. My game is very evolutionary- adapt to the harsher world or die. The question is how many character deaths it takes to get the point across. 8)
René said:
The King said:
Next time don't forget to bring an axe along. :twisted:


Who said this when to whom?
Kull said this in the short story ("By this Axe I rule") when his opponents try a coup on him when he is king of Valusia. This story is very similar to Conan's "Phoenix and the Sword" but has even more "power" because there is no magic at all. (Kull's stories have an even lower magical level than Conan's).

The ultimate truth of all forms of leadership- force is the heart of all leadership, not tradition or morality. My table's no democracy- I've ejected about as many players as I currently have for misbehavior- yet I still maintain a hefty waiting list. Keeps the control in my hands too since my players know that there are others that covet their seats.....8)

Keep the faith- let the twinks know that there's a price for everything and that they are not as special as Mr. Rogers and their parnets tell them they are. 8)
Ok, these guys are 28 and 35. Ohhh by the way they have come to terms with my rule. I have made myself a promise and told them I will not tolerate back talk and I am thinking of making them refer to me as Crom or may just God. Hmmm maybe a little too far?

P.S. I prefer God.
28 and 35 and 1 threw Pizza and the other spilled the drinks? I thought they were 12! Man! You should have fed the pizza to the one guy rectally and made the other guy wipe up with drinks with his tongue!