Terry Mixon
Emperor Mongoose
Found this and had to share. Feel free to add your own.
Starport Bar Jokes
- Thread starter Terry Mixon
- Start date
Terry Mixon
Emperor Mongoose
Ha! Someone where I got this had this to add.
"How many Solomani? Just one; he holds the bulb and lets the galaxy revolve around him."
"How many Solomani? Just one; he holds the bulb and lets the galaxy revolve around him."
CordwainerFish
Emperor Mongoose
A Zhodani, a Droyne, and a Hiver walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
Arkathan
Emperor Mongoose
Did you hear about the greenhorn rancher who bought himself a big ol’ Ouroch from Tyrfing on mail order?
They say those things produce enough milk to feed a man for a day. He figured, who needs a wife if he can get the milk for free, right? Well, after a week, he came back into town and went to screaming at the man what told him about the Ourochs in the first place.
So, the trader asked him if he knew how to milk a cow. The greenhorn starts pawing at the air, mimicking what he’d seen on movie vids. This guy shakes his head and jokes that he’d be better off just sucking the teat if he wasn’t going to use it for anything but feeding himself anyway.
The man goes off, right?, but comes back the next day, this time with the Ouroch in tow, pulling a cart behind him. He says, “Mister, I worked that teat until I was blue in the face and hardly got any milk out of it, but now this Ouroch follows me everywhere I go.”
The trader looks at the Ouroch and says, “Why didn’t you tell me you ordered a bull?”
They say those things produce enough milk to feed a man for a day. He figured, who needs a wife if he can get the milk for free, right? Well, after a week, he came back into town and went to screaming at the man what told him about the Ourochs in the first place.
So, the trader asked him if he knew how to milk a cow. The greenhorn starts pawing at the air, mimicking what he’d seen on movie vids. This guy shakes his head and jokes that he’d be better off just sucking the teat if he wasn’t going to use it for anything but feeding himself anyway.
The man goes off, right?, but comes back the next day, this time with the Ouroch in tow, pulling a cart behind him. He says, “Mister, I worked that teat until I was blue in the face and hardly got any milk out of it, but now this Ouroch follows me everywhere I go.”
The trader looks at the Ouroch and says, “Why didn’t you tell me you ordered a bull?”
AndrewW
Emperor Mongoose
How many bwap's does it take to change a light bulb? 8
One to requisition the forms.
One to requisition the pen to fill out the forms.
One to put in the work order.
One to requisition the light bulb.
One to request approval for the work to be done.
One to request maintenance to perform the work.
One to request an inspector to make sure the work was done correctly.
One to sign off that the work was completed.
One to requisition the forms.
One to requisition the pen to fill out the forms.
One to put in the work order.
One to requisition the light bulb.
One to request approval for the work to be done.
One to request maintenance to perform the work.
One to request an inspector to make sure the work was done correctly.
One to sign off that the work was completed.
Condottiere
Emperor Mongoose
Changing light bulbs:
Hivers - one; he convinces someone else it's in their best interest to do it
Vargr - one; but first, has to pillage it from someone who has a light bulb; but only if he makes a charisma role to convince his pack to do it
Vilani - one; to organize the committees to look into the implications of changing the bulb, and formulate a plan on how to proceed
Zhodani - one; to arrange to have a prole change the bulb the moment he foresaw it would fail
Aslan - male; what is a light bulb? female; please sign this requisition/procurement form
Solomani - I thought light emitting diodes last forever?
Hivers - one; he convinces someone else it's in their best interest to do it
Vargr - one; but first, has to pillage it from someone who has a light bulb; but only if he makes a charisma role to convince his pack to do it
Vilani - one; to organize the committees to look into the implications of changing the bulb, and formulate a plan on how to proceed
Zhodani - one; to arrange to have a prole change the bulb the moment he foresaw it would fail
Aslan - male; what is a light bulb? female; please sign this requisition/procurement form
Solomani - I thought light emitting diodes last forever?
WHULorigan
Cosmic Mongoose
From GURPS Traveller:
Q: How many Vilani does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six.
Q: How many Vilani does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six.
One from the ladder carriers' guild of the maintenance bureau to bring the ladder in and set it up.
One from the ladder holders' guild of the same bureau to steady the ladder once it is set up.
One from the clerks' guild of the government bureau to make sure the proper forms are filled out for changing light bulbs and to pay the proper fee to the energy bureau.
One from the lightbulb-changers' guild of the energy bureau to change the bulb.
One from the wick-trimmers' guild because it is traditional.
One from the supervisors' guild because his presence is required by law whenever five or more workers are engaged in the same task.
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G'Naakbusters
Emperor Mongoose
How many Darrians does it take to change a light bulb?
One to replace it with a newer, higher-tech bulb; millions to rebuild civilization in the aftermath.
One to replace it with a newer, higher-tech bulb; millions to rebuild civilization in the aftermath.
To Tha Moon!
Cosmic Mongoose
How many Robots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Limpin Legin
Cosmic Mongoose
Courtesy of ChatGPT:
Limpin Legin
Cosmic Mongoose
An alien, a human, and a robot walk into a Starport fast food shop called "Faster than Light Burgers." The cashier asks, "What can I get you?"
The alien says, "I'll have the Galaxy Special." The human says, "I'll take the Cosmic Combo." The robot says, "I need an oil change."
The cashier says, "Coming right up! Your order will be ready in 0.000000001 seconds."
The human looks puzzled and asks, "Why so fast?"
The cashier replies, "Our service is faster than light!"
The robot calculates and says, "At this rate, I'll be back before I even finish my drink."
The alien says, "I'll have the Galaxy Special." The human says, "I'll take the Cosmic Combo." The robot says, "I need an oil change."
The cashier says, "Coming right up! Your order will be ready in 0.000000001 seconds."
The human looks puzzled and asks, "Why so fast?"
The cashier replies, "Our service is faster than light!"
The robot calculates and says, "At this rate, I'll be back before I even finish my drink."
Limpin Legin
Cosmic Mongoose
Introduction to alcohol and the pan galactic gargle blaster, from Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
J. L. Brown
Emperor Mongoose
Weird that there are jokes about everyone except the Vilani.
Terry Mixon
Emperor Mongoose
Maybe they wrote them.
AndrewW
Emperor Mongoose
The first one in the initial post is the Vilani.
J. L. Brown
Emperor Mongoose
It is not a joke -- (*rimshot*)
Condottiere
Emperor Mongoose
What's the difference between one Imperium Credit, and one Vargr Credit?
One Imperium Credit.
One Imperium Credit.
Condottiere
Emperor Mongoose
If at first you don't succeed, meteoric assault is not for you.
