Postby Stilaliana » Fri Mar 02, 2018 5:56 am
I know I havent posted in a LONG time and now Im asking for help, but I honestly dont know who or where else to ask this.
Ive been a lot more open about my spirituality lately...like the last couple of years and more so the last 6 months or so, and by open I mean NOT hiding it. Ive never, nor do I care to ever shove my sprituality in anyones face.
I also try not to lable myself because I kind of am open to anything, as long as I deem it to be morally sound and ethical. But I do tend to hang out with and relate best to "pagans", so people lable me as such, which, for the most part, I dont mind, but the other day my mother-in-law said something about me being pagan and it kind of made me feel.... wierd. Shes a pretty open minded person and would never actually make me feel bad or call me evil or anything like that, but I just cant shake this bizzar feeling I have about it. Then, to try to ease my own tension, I was relaying the story to my sister in law as kind of a joke, ha ha, but then she got all quiet and "weird"<----which is weird because shes spent a lot of time leaning about witchcraft and pagan type things.
When my mother in law asked the question "....because youre pagan?" I just shrugged and was like" uhm...yeah...."
Anyhow now Im sitting here feeling panicky and I want to call them and say "you know I dont practice witchcraft.....I just like to read about it " or "Im not really pagan Im just open" Now...this is not because I feel ashamed...well it might be...but I guess its that I feel vulnerable now, and like Ive opened up a piece of myself that I used to like to keep between myself and I and Spirit.
Anyhow I cant shake this feeling and meditation and relaxation and smudging has not helped. I wish I could take it all back and just go back to being silent about my faith.
Any insights would be most helpful
Thank you all so much